as promised

my boss went out again. I have nothing to do (as always!) . so I’ll just use this time to blog about the things I forgot to blog. Labo. I’ll just write whatever I can remember. Atleast, you’ll have something to read. Yeah right. As if you guys are dying to read my blog. Haha!

I know I could do better than blog twice a month. I just couldn’t get my fingers to start turning on the pc, connect, then blog away. I’ve been meaning to blog. I mean, I always want to. Everyday, I dream about updating my blog. But I cant understand why I just cant do it. I am online 9 hours everyday and about half of those hours, I am free as a bird. Free time baby. That’s what you get for getting a job that is Über easy. Haha! Oh well…enough about my ranting. I’m about to end my second paragraph anyway. Ehehe..

Oh gosh..i’m being senseless.


past tense

there were so many important things that happened to me during the past few weeks I haven’t been visible. There are things I wont and can never tell anyone. not a soul. never. while there are those that..well..of course, obviously..i can.

I went to UP last Thursday to buy sablay. Asked s to accompany me. It was so hot then!!! Was frustrated with UP for the last time. Why do I have to pay the cashier for the sablay? If I can just pay right then and there!? Good thing s had a car. I wouldn’t have to commute.

I got so sentimental though while walking . I said to myself, “omi!im not a student anymore..i’ll miss the green green grasses of this university.” Its one of my favorite things in UP. The smell of newly cut grasses. High! Haha!


Fast fast fast forward: my graduation day

It happened so unlike what I’ve always dreamed of. I formally graduated one year after the time I’m really supposed to graduate. I didn’t wanna go through with it days before Sunday. I just couldn’t feel the graduation fever. Err…is there such a thing when you study in UP?

I wasn’t even sure if my name’s on the list of graduating students. I wanted to see my name. But to no avail, the ever-efficient mass comm haven’t posted the list yet. Plus the tickets! What happened to those?! Aaargh! So…

Anyway, my Sunday didn’t start quite right. I woke up early because we had to leave at 7:00. I was still a sleepy head. Slept so late because I had to wait to wait for my grad dress. Twas actually finished at about 1 am. Great.

We picked up my sis and her son at their house. Dropped by our church then went back again because somebody forgot to bring the baby’s milk. I was pissed but I just kept quiet. Suddenly, mom realized that she forgot the camera at church. I wanted to cry. I wanted to explode. But I just stopped myself from crying and told myself, “this is supposed to be a special day for me.why cant anyone atleast try to make me happy?” I knew crying wouldn’t do any good so I stopped myself. I also said to myself that I shouldn’t have gone through this graduation. I should have been content. After all, I’m already finished with school. Am already working. Why go through the rites? I just thought it would make my parents happy. I just thought.

Arrived at the film center when all studes were lined up. I only recognized a few people that I know. Gosh..i really shouldn’t have gone through with it I realized. I felt so out of place. Anyway, joy welled within me when I finally saw my friends. Such a site to see their beaming faces. All dressed up and proud. Ü

I waited for that day all my life. But guess what? I wasn’t able to march with my fellow comm res majors?! Hahaha..i just left the line for about a few seconds coz I had to give the tickets to my parents. but hey..when I went back to the lobby..the comm. Res people were gone!!! Waaaah! Oh god..now this was such a bad idea! The ushers wouldn’t even let me in. but I did with all my might. I just ignored them. It was so obvious that they had no idea of what they’re doing. And so..i marched down the aisle together with the journ majors. Just great. Good thing, my friend reserved a seat for me. Thanks to her. If not, I would be sitting at the back of all the graduates. Good grief.

Went through with the rites. I wasn’t bored though. Was intently listening to the speakers. I didn’t feel proud when I went up the stage. I smiled widely but inside, I was so frustrated. I felt so incomplete. I didn’t know why. And I stil don’t know why.

That got to be the quickest graduation ever. I didn’t stay long because I couldn’t locate my friends. Where were they?? When I finally did, I just asked them to pose with me and asked my sis to shoot. That quick!!!

Went back to church to pick up my bro and bro-in-law for lunch. Went to The Bottomless Grill. Maaan..the food was great! Definitely. But after my second bowl of Mongolian, I got so dizzy. I wanted to puke. I wanted to die !!! coz I thought I was dying already. I was palpitating. I felt like blood was going up my head. I didn’t want to feel that again. Really. That was so sickening. I opted to stay inside the car. I really wanted to sleep. I knew that only sleeping would help me. So I did. Then slept again went I arrived at ics. Sleep. Sleep.sleep. That was all I needed. And it sure helped me.

I forgot what happened after that. Was just glad that the day ended.

Schucks

I tried rereading this blog before posting.

Gosh…This.is.so.not.me.

posted by: blueberry010 at April 30, 2004 16:23 | link | comments (1) |
class z

ei! where are my blogger friends?! where is me? haven't had time to blog lately. but i have a lot on my mind. promise to blog about them as soon as i get the strength from up above.

posted by: blueberry010 at April 29, 2004 09:50 | link | comments (1) |
rants

I’m not telling who pisses me off. He/she just has to know. I don’t think you know what I’m talking about. You know who you were. I just didn’t expect you’d turn out like THAT. Okay, I know you’re only human. Maybe you’ve already changed. Or maybe you’re just frustrated with the way others are dragging you(or so it seems). Cmon, I know Whom you knew. Everybody knew who you were. But now, I don’t even know the REAL you. I just know you love Him. Maybe..only maybe… that you’re a LITTLE TOO FRUSTRATED with your life. But hey, what do I care? It’s your life.

posted by: blueberry010 at April 16, 2004 12:29 | link | comments |

 

       All I needed was a good cry. God granted me. I escaped just for awhile. But then He came looking for me. I felt hopeless. And everytime I would feel such loneliness and despair, He would immediately carry me. I ran towards him like a child expecting his father.

     

      My Sunday morning started without a hint of gladness. I felt so heavy. It wasn’t because of the dreams I had. What were they? Actually, I can’t remember.

      I dressed so quickly. Ran outside to get a ride. Waited for so long. Traveled with speed.  Rushed to get inside church. I thought I wouldn’t  be able to sing. But lo and behold, the service hasn’t started yet.

      The church got filled with wondrous music. But I couldn’t bring myself to The Presence. I tried to sing songs like I always do. But no words came out. I heard not my own soul singing. 

       When was the last time God touched me in a special way? I got filled but for awhile forgot.

       In a snap, I wanted to give up. Questions rushed through my mind. I got confused. Memories came rushing. They’re all coming back.

       I needed peace. I needed an answer. I needed my Father.  

       Then the words…of one song dug through my core. Reminded me of His magnificence.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arms
You’ll never let me go
Through it all

       All it took was a moment of surrender. I willingly surrendered …freely and inexplicably.

       God sees me. As I look. As I wait. As I sing a hymn. In faith. In His arms.

posted by: blueberry010 at April 08, 2004 00:05 | link | comments (3) |